Because I think poop jokes are SOOOOO funny!
I needed new material, so I produce children to invent punchlines for me.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Top Ten
Top Ten reasons you fell in love with your baby
.... and out of love with your old boyfriend
1) His endless babbling
2) He loved snuggling in your bed - but always wanted to go back to his own crib after.
3) His way of spending hours roaming around the house naked, his poochy belly hanging out.
4) The wet, sloppy kissed.
5) He was content to lie quieltly and gaze at his navel as you did all the housework.
6) His birthday gift to you was simply a wilted flower.
7) His idea of dancing was to bend his legs and bob up and down with a goofy, self-congratulatory grin.
8) His smell.
9) You could always count on him burping right after he finished a meal.
10) The fact that he'll never, ever love anyone as much as he loves mommy.
- Deborah Skolnik
.... and out of love with your old boyfriend
1) His endless babbling
2) He loved snuggling in your bed - but always wanted to go back to his own crib after.3) His way of spending hours roaming around the house naked, his poochy belly hanging out.
4) The wet, sloppy kissed.
5) He was content to lie quieltly and gaze at his navel as you did all the housework.
6) His birthday gift to you was simply a wilted flower.
7) His idea of dancing was to bend his legs and bob up and down with a goofy, self-congratulatory grin.
8) His smell.
9) You could always count on him burping right after he finished a meal.
10) The fact that he'll never, ever love anyone as much as he loves mommy.
- Deborah SkolnikAs seen in Parenting magazine
Monday, November 22, 2010
Poetic Reading of a break-up Letter
I couldn't pass up posting this amazing break up letter.
You'll need speakers to enjoy it fully,
it made me weep with laughter.
Even the URL is great.
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
Warning: It contains 2 cuss words at the bottom
I suppose the middle schooler thought that was necessary to prove herself.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Lunch on the monitor & Fighting fire with fire
Monday - I went into false labor for 24 hours. A little nerve wracking since i'm only 29 / 40 weeks along. It would be a tragedy to my baby's lungs, brain and weight progression. I also got to thinking about all the things I haven't done to get ready, the things I wanted to disinfect, and the things I've been slacking on buying...etc.
Tuesday - I got to eat lunch at the hospital while on the fetal monitor checking the rhythm of my contractions. This is just an example of the read out.
The spikes on the right are the rhythm of the contractions. The spikes on the left follow the baby's heart rate.
My contraction spikes - were not this cute and round, they were small and sharp, coming on quickly and going away quickly.
Baby's heart rate - Stayed great till I ate my PB&J, the sugar made baby move all over the place and we more or less gave up trying to track her. The nurse said "At least we know she's in there!" .... if it's a she... whatever. I'll be getting another ultrasound tomorrow! *cross fingers* for finding out the gender.
My pulse - stayed very high 112 (it's suppose to hang out in the 80's while pregnant). Things have calmed down now and luckily I didn't need any medicine to slow down the labor, just some good rest and fluids.
WOW, fluids - I didn't realize how hard my body was working during that 24 hours. I'm so glad for Pedialyte.
Wednesday - It's like this labor thing never happened, Lily's got me running like crazy :) stinker. She's knocked over the trash can and laughed in my face at every time out today. She just gets up and runs away from punishment. Wednesdays are part of my angry pregnancy cycle during the week, so I got her down for a nap and couldn't stop pouting and grinding my teeth for the rest of the afternoon. {headache} o_O
How do I fight fire with fire with a darling girl that is so much like her mother? You would think it would be easy to think in her shoes and adjust accordingly... it's not... I'm surprised.... and that's what frustrates me the most.
Wednesday Night - If she's "responsible" enough to climb out of bed we're allowing her to be responsible enough to take herself potty at night. Tonight we lowered the crib slat, gave her a step stool, set up a lamp in the bathroom that is easy to turn on. She was thrilled to get out of bed and flip the lamp on and off for a few hours. It's only 10:30 and she just gave up and fell asleep. I think everything will be alright. I've noticed a few problems with my own consistency in discipline, talking it out with Ricky I feel like we have a better plan for the future. The house is quiet now, the victory is won for another 12 hours. I feel peaceful, happy, fulfilled. I've learned a lot this week and I have Ricky by my side. He's been really awesome and supportive. He reminds me to rest my body. I've only had contractions for 30 mins today. Our family is well taken care of. I'm glad we all get to stay together and help each other.
Tuesday - I got to eat lunch at the hospital while on the fetal monitor checking the rhythm of my contractions. This is just an example of the read out.
The spikes on the right are the rhythm of the contractions. The spikes on the left follow the baby's heart rate.
Baby's heart rate - Stayed great till I ate my PB&J, the sugar made baby move all over the place and we more or less gave up trying to track her. The nurse said "At least we know she's in there!" .... if it's a she... whatever. I'll be getting another ultrasound tomorrow! *cross fingers* for finding out the gender.
My pulse - stayed very high 112 (it's suppose to hang out in the 80's while pregnant). Things have calmed down now and luckily I didn't need any medicine to slow down the labor, just some good rest and fluids.
WOW, fluids - I didn't realize how hard my body was working during that 24 hours. I'm so glad for Pedialyte.
Wednesday - It's like this labor thing never happened, Lily's got me running like crazy :) stinker. She's knocked over the trash can and laughed in my face at every time out today. She just gets up and runs away from punishment. Wednesdays are part of my angry pregnancy cycle during the week, so I got her down for a nap and couldn't stop pouting and grinding my teeth for the rest of the afternoon. {headache} o_O
I'll admit I was one (symbolically) to run from punishment too. My mom was a little bit lax and didn't always follow through with punishments she set. It made me feel the power of "controlling my environment" at an early age, something that I'm trying to gain humility from and never go back to. In a sense I'm at a loss for what to do with Lily this week. I feel like "NO! Just obey me! I already laid out the rules" I want the control, abit. (Yuck... I just admitted it.)
Obviously Time-outs are not a "currency" she cares to loose,
While she napped I packed away a giant box of toys, taking back control of my house, at least. It's cleaner now (just in time for more Christmas toys! hahaha). Now - If things get out of hand at least I can take away her toys without feeling exhausted at the task. They all fit in this nice little corner... almost.I'll have to get more creative again *sigh*.
How do I fight fire with fire with a darling girl that is so much like her mother? You would think it would be easy to think in her shoes and adjust accordingly... it's not... I'm surprised.... and that's what frustrates me the most.
Wednesday Night - If she's "responsible" enough to climb out of bed we're allowing her to be responsible enough to take herself potty at night. Tonight we lowered the crib slat, gave her a step stool, set up a lamp in the bathroom that is easy to turn on. She was thrilled to get out of bed and flip the lamp on and off for a few hours. It's only 10:30 and she just gave up and fell asleep. I think everything will be alright. I've noticed a few problems with my own consistency in discipline, talking it out with Ricky I feel like we have a better plan for the future. The house is quiet now, the victory is won for another 12 hours. I feel peaceful, happy, fulfilled. I've learned a lot this week and I have Ricky by my side. He's been really awesome and supportive. He reminds me to rest my body. I've only had contractions for 30 mins today. Our family is well taken care of. I'm glad we all get to stay together and help each other.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Jesus loves all equally
Miracles have not ceased. God still loves his children and wishes for them to have opportunities to see how much he loves them. God speaks, every day in nature, through His word, by His holy spirit, in circumstances and through people.Over this past month I've begun to count my blessings and ask God to show me the things I've been given to be grateful for. The unique relationship I have with my family keeps topping the list daily. I'm thankful for the gifts of knowledge God has given me, through prayers He's answered.
In John 10:16 Jesus' disciples were upset that he was leaving. They wanted to understand the purpose of Jesus only staying on earth for a short time after the resurrection. They loved him and wanted to remain by his side to learn from his example for the rest of their lives. And Jesus answered them and said- "And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd."
I prayed to receive personal revelation concerning the meaning of this. Through more study the Lord told me it was a fulfillment of prophecy. God told Jesus there would be more people in other parts of the world looking for the signs of His coming and they needed him as much as the people in Jerusalem did. He had more lives to enrich. He needed to teach more people about the path that they should follow to receive Salvation.
I've come to more fully understand and appreciate the time Jesus spent on the earth teaching his apostles about Charity and teaching them to take time for the individual. Another source of scripture I have come to trust fully is the Book Of Mormon. In 3Nephi chapter 11 Christ comes to the native Americans living in North / South America and teaches many of the same principals of love and healing. Having a second witness to my soul that Jesus loves his children all over the world and wishes for them to come to Him.
How fortunate am I that God knew I would wonder about this scripture. He prepared a way for me to receive the answer to my prayer by asking a prophet who lived over 2,000 yrs ago to document the things of their time. The answer to my question was written on gold plates buried in the ground and are now written in the English language in a book called The Book Of Mormon.
I found this Movie clip about modern revelation and the Book Of Mormon. I love our Savior. I know he sacrificed his life for me. I feel his grace pour upon me every time I ask for forgiveness and work a little harder to become like him. I know he loves me. I feel his spirit impress upon my mind what I should do and how I should act. The very core of my being testifies that he Lives, that he still speaks. I hold The Book of Mormon and Bible in my hand and know this is a tangible gift God has given me to prove his love and his existence in my life. I have more purpose when I study from these books. They make me feel more whole than any other source of education I have ever used.
God Speaks, Miracles have not ceased.
In John 10:16 Jesus' disciples were upset that he was leaving. They wanted to understand the purpose of Jesus only staying on earth for a short time after the resurrection. They loved him and wanted to remain by his side to learn from his example for the rest of their lives. And Jesus answered them and said- "And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd."
I prayed to receive personal revelation concerning the meaning of this. Through more study the Lord told me it was a fulfillment of prophecy. God told Jesus there would be more people in other parts of the world looking for the signs of His coming and they needed him as much as the people in Jerusalem did. He had more lives to enrich. He needed to teach more people about the path that they should follow to receive Salvation.
How fortunate am I that God knew I would wonder about this scripture. He prepared a way for me to receive the answer to my prayer by asking a prophet who lived over 2,000 yrs ago to document the things of their time. The answer to my question was written on gold plates buried in the ground and are now written in the English language in a book called The Book Of Mormon.
I found this Movie clip about modern revelation and the Book Of Mormon. I love our Savior. I know he sacrificed his life for me. I feel his grace pour upon me every time I ask for forgiveness and work a little harder to become like him. I know he loves me. I feel his spirit impress upon my mind what I should do and how I should act. The very core of my being testifies that he Lives, that he still speaks. I hold The Book of Mormon and Bible in my hand and know this is a tangible gift God has given me to prove his love and his existence in my life. I have more purpose when I study from these books. They make me feel more whole than any other source of education I have ever used.
I hold The Book of Mormon and Bible in my hand and know this is a tangible gift God has given me to prove his love and his existence in my life.*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*
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