I commonly hear my peers, and myself (gals in their 20s) using phrases like,
"I never learned to...."
"My parents never
taught me..."
"I wish I would have known..."
As I have become a parent, I've rolled around my life experiences over and over in a new light. Suddenly - there are two sides to every story. Why my mom had me avoid certain situations because of social "dos and don'ts", when I only thought she was being
unfair and hampering my independence, or why she used specific wording when describing something important.
I've reviewed the past, questioning every motive behind all the parenting decisions she made on my behalf.
Where they fell short for my personality type and not my brother's, what my mom supposedly "lacked" in her tremendous outpouring of sacrifice and giving to me.
Then I have these amazing moments where the pieces of the puzzle fit together, and I can get the healing from resentment that I've longed for.
The newest discovery came from talking to a complete stranger about my pain, while in a waiting room at the temple. I was resenting the way my mother helped me learn a few things, when it occurred to me that with MY own children - I'm
constantly being told at
the very moment, the things that I should do for them. I'm inspired by God (commonly known as - mommy intuition) what to
say, how to
phrase it,
what to teach and
when. How could I
ever believe that my mom was not the same way? Now, I let the small stuff fly - maybe I let my kids play in the toilet during an important phone call - but I NEVER fail to insist on correct principals when the time is right, and the effects are far reaching.
Then as my two year old was going from one activity to another, messing everything up along the way I thought.... "Don't put her in time-out for the 10th time this hour. Pick your battles and relax." feeling confident that the learning experience would present itself again in the future.
I have to make
every opportunity count.
But there is so much to teach!
My own children will have their list of imperfections about my ability to aid them in all the answers too.
Some concepts can only be experienced. Things like money management were concepts that I couldn't begin to comprehend until I moved out on my own and learned what it felt like to starve. Other principals came naturally by explanation and example.
How could I honestly say "My mother never taught me to ... _____ ..."
.... so it occured to me,
- she planted the seed.
She knew what she was doing, and that it would take root in it's own proper time. She was wise, patient and walked with quiet reassurance from a higher power that she was doing the right thing.
"I never learned....."
because the root had to take - at it's own pace.
I thank my mom for planting the seed.
