I only have one sibling, an older brother. When he was away from home (scout camp, friend's house) I found myself feeling home sick for his return. Mom would close the door part way to help me think he was still across the hall keeping me safe. She let me sleep in his bed occasionally, or stuff the blankets so it would look like he was there.
I wonder if my brother ever really knew how much I loved him and needed his affection, reassurance and safety in my life? - Maybe only sub-consciously
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Through out this pregnancy I've often spent time day dreaming about the personality quirks our new baby girl will have. I can feel "Tawny" getting excited when she hears Lily (2yrs) jumping on the bed and wrestling with daddy. Tawny leans into Lily's sounds trying to further investigate. I've also experienced Tawny's feelings of anticipation and love as she's listened to the natural sounds of life, just waiting to come out and play with us.
Is Lily even aware of Tawny's dependency on her from before birth?
Lily's room is now re-arranged with two cribs, more drawer space for clothes, the closet split in two, the rocking chair placed just perfectly. Lily loves jumping in Tawny's bed and pretending her new little sister is already here with us imagining we're ice skating, eating pizza, or talking about
spooky hairy monsters that say "wubba, wubba, wubba!"
This week I've been finding Lily sleeping in Tawny's bed.
A secret portrayal of her affection for her sister, who's not even here yet. She's reaching out and longing for her new best friend.
Does Tawny realize Lily's emotional connection and dependency on her?
Today Ricky and I talked about Lily's independence. She needs responsibility, respect and purpose. I don't think she could have gone on much longer as the only child. I imagine us getting up as a whole family when the baby needs to nurse at 2am. I think Lily will crawl into bed with us and tell stories (at least, at first). She'll want to be a part of the bigger picture of nurturing Tawny, even the sleep deprivation involved with this kind of commitment.
Ricky stated, "When you first became pregnant I thought - how will we care for two babies? Now I see that it will be three of us caring for one baby. From now on Lily will be a very important part of our lives in taking care of our children, and she already knows that it's coming."
Before becoming a mother, did I even realize that my future dependency would hang on a loving husband and a wonderful, dependable child with the heart much larger than I could have imagined?
Ricky and I are one, and now - Lily joins us as a peer.
