Owning a Toddler Quiz -

Before owning your own toddler, please consider the following - 

• How many decibels do I prefer my background noise to be?

• Do I enjoy repetitive conversations such as:

"Do you like Yellow?"
"Oh, yes I like Yellow."
"I like Yellow too!"

• Do I enjoy repetitive conversations while disguising my voice as a stuffed pig?

• How well can I put on panties? Well enough to teach it in less than 15 words?

I distinctly remember saying, "Please, put them in the hamper."

• How do I cope in awkward situations? Such as:

Toddler to neighbor - "My mommy kills me to the bedroom"
Mom interjects, "She said Carry, I CARRY her.... I swear!"
or
Toddler to stranger - "My mommy poops cheese rocks! eeeewwww!"
Mommy interjects, "She means constipation... It's a long story ... never mind."

• How much do I value my personal belongings? 

ie: lipstick, mascara, chocolate, loan papers, important photos, journals, unmentionables that happen to get mixed into the same pile of laundry as "floppy bunny".

Lily's face covered in mascara

• How impatient do I become after cleaning up the same spill three times?

What are my views on spanking, time-outs, yelling and so forth?
How committed am I to these morals REALLY?!

• Do I enjoy going for a nice run?

Do I still hold running in the same regard when it's negative 22 outside, in my PJ's with no time for shoes?
Does running make me feel uncomfortable when I'm being mocked or laughed at?

• How do my knees and back hold up after a long day at work?

Does my job consist of bending and or lifting approximately every 10-30 min?

• Am I bothered by strong odors? Or the look of human excrement on my tile?

Freshly cleaned potties & floor after toddler spills full cup of urine from mini toilet.

• How many hours of sleep do I need on average?
• Am I a morning person?
• How do I respond to early wake up calls?

Toddler - "Mommy I put that book in the trash can"
Mom - "What book honey?"
Toddler - "It had pages out"
Mom - "What pages out?"
Toddler - "I rip that page out"
Mom - "What did the book look like?"
Toddler - "Does it have numbers on it"
MY TAXES?! - Your morning is over.

• How articulate and cleanly am I when working with art supplies?

• What are my thoughts and impressions when I find Fried chicken grease dripping down my arm during a meal?
• Do I find my eye twitching when I see someone with Broccoli in their teeth?

• Am I picky about household order? 

ie: Kitchen towel must hang from the stove, The butter stick must contain zero bite marks, the lid must remain on the sugar jar when not in use, no plastic in or around the toaster, toilet paper must unroll from the top, beds must be made daily, etc?


If you chose:

Mostly Wincing - 
If you've answered any of these negatively in your mind, you may not be prepared to become a mother.
See - It doesn't matter how little sleep you're running off of, how many times you've repeated yourself during the day, or how many loads of laundry you've done to catch up on messes. If you raise your voice or show your impatience in the slightest, you are crushing the self esteem of your child. They will run and cry.

Mostly Positive / laughter - 
You may not have what it takes to maintain consistency during times when discipline is necessary. Keeping a straight face while your child is consuming lard coated ca-ca is difficult, but if you crack - The naughty thing only becomes a recursive cycle, also called "a game".
(see question: "Do I enjoy repetitive conversations while disguising my voice as a stuffed pig?" 
and "How impatient do I become after cleaning up the same spill three times?")

Mostly feelings of anxiety -  
 There is an alternative option for you. It's called starting from the beginning. Newborns at their best sleep approximately 16 hours a day, have low caloric intake, and only need to be checked on every 2 hours or so.

Side effects include - 

Looking like This:

Morning Sickness

Then looking like this:

Me on my Due Date, baby #2

Before you can look like THIS while holding your baby!:

oops... wrong ideal image