I got to examine an interesting group of mothers this week.
I'll group them into three stereo-types for time sake.
1) Mothers with one small child.
2) Mothers with several small children growing up at once.
3) Mothers with teenage children, slowly moving toward empty nesting.
Each group had a it's own philosophy on parenting,
and time commitment inside the home.
Which speaks volumes about their understanding of the vital role they play in God's plan.
If
Group 1 asked
Group 3 how parenting roles change as their children get older,
Group 3 would probably reply,
"It's a different kind of busy."
Group 1 - commonly in their 20s, have gone through changes quickly -
1) Single life
2) Newly wed
3) First time moms
The group of women I surrounded myself with were all the types that took pride in saying,
"Look! I can be the same person I have always been, even with my baby in-tow."
We push ourselves to be involved in community activities, and make time for events outside the home even when it's a little difficult to juggle all the tasks at once.
We exchange stories about how well our children adapted when they have to sleep at an outdoor concert, drive in the car for hours, or spend a day without us when we needed to take them to a baby sitter.
Group 2 - Have children involved heavily in school, after school activities, talent building opportunities, etc. These moms spend colossal amounts of time assisting in homework and teaching kids organization, structure, and how to do chores.
I find many of these moms stay at home 70% - 80% of the time. They make very few community commitments, and may say they have few "free-time" hours. Obviously this requires a lot of personal sacrifice.
Group 3 - These women are heavily involved in theater groups, community fund raisers, activist groups, writing, going to sports games, etc. and appear to be
very heavily involved in church service. They are learning to let go, yet still struggling to find a balance between being available to their children to establish deep lines of communication and trust. They tag along and try new things with their teenagers. I think inside they have been dying to try new things, and are finally receiving the independence from their family to develop their own talents. These women organize family matters from the sidelines. Most of them are
told what activities will be going on that week, and they learn to be flexible and throw car keys across the room when someone is in a hurry.
There seems to be a very strong paradigm shift for mothers
as they enter into phase 2 of life.
yeah - woh! This is my epiphany.
There is a huge level of commitment when a woman decided to take that first leap and have a child. There is an even
greater commitment and sacrifice for a mother who declares they will now be -
"A - STAY - AT - HOME - MOM" in every sense of the word.
They give up what the world thinks they should become.
They
conform to what they want their children to become.
They make a defined, difficult,
"slam-my-fist-on-the-table" decision*.
These moms choose to be mentally engaged in their children's lives.
Group 2 - Says,
"something has got to give." They suddenly feel like the activities they had previously been involved in actually bring a
false sense of accomplishment and
fulfillment.
Maybe for me personally, this "ideal" image of motherhood came from examining women from
Group 3.... not from introspection of the
literal and
legitimate needs of my
own family.
More realistically I think most mothers in
Group1 have not had enough personal exposure to what their personality will be like
as a mother, therefore, occasionally mimic the example of others.
Group 3 has it figured out.
Because...
They've invested
years into making their family what it is today.
Their
children have invested
years into becoming realistic, independent, and capable to take on leadership.
... oh and let's not forget... all of them are out of diapers.
*sigh*
I'm entering my transition phase...
And I'm trying to keep my line of sighy forward onto all the blessings that are obviously there for me as I sit down and really teach my children. I want to avoid thinking about the "change" from one phase/group to another and just embrace the person I'm becoming, while looking forward to the adventure Group 3 will afford me, in due time, when I've achieved that plateau of progress as a natural consequence of dedication to my family.
* I also know women in Group 2 that chose to work full time as their epiphanal moment, in exchange for more freedom with their kids during Group 3's stage of life. There are many varying circumstances that are correct.
